My performance evaluation said I listen poorly. How do I improve my listening skills?

"Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly," the Roman historian Plutarch once said. Knowing how to listen well, though, requires several characteristics that I lump into two main categories, passive and active.

The passive traits of good listening mostly consist of don'ts. Don't break eye contact with speakers. Don't fidget, which communicates boredom or impatience. Don't interrupt, except when there's a natural pause in what they're saying, to ask questions or to reinforce their statements. Don't remain expressionless - nod your head, smile, or even frown when appropriate to encourage their speaking.

If those passive traits help you avoid impeding the speakers, the active ones will help you understand their stories. Repeat back what they're saying now and then to show you're paying attention, as well as comprehending what they're trying to communicate. Ask questions to clarify what they mean on any ambiguous points. Finally, when they finish, sum up what they said by using phrases such as "What I'm hearing from you is" or "It sounds like you're telling me." This will help reinforce that you were truly listening, and allow them to clarify what they said.

Listening effectively requires practice. But once you perfect it, you'll find that, as an old Chinese proverb put it, "To listen well is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well."